Dear Grandma,

You're on my mind tonight. I can't help but just want to talk to you. I know we were told to "say our goodbyes" to you as the doctor believes it wont be long before you leave us. But when given the opportunity, how does one say goodbye? I don't know.

I know that we've said all along how happy we are for you to be able to go home to heaven...I can only imagine how awesome that is going to be for you. But I'll be honest...tonight I'm sad. I can't help it. Even though our conversations aren't quite like they used to be, as time and disease has made it more difficult for you to express in words what I know is in your heart, you're still my Grandma...and there's still a part of me that is finding it hard to let you go.

You've been an anchor in my life...from before I even knew who you were as a little baby, to now when you're sometimes confused to who I am. You've been an example of faith, a friend, a confidant, encourager, and prayer warrior in my life. The very thoughts of "remember when's" of the times we've shared gives me strength through days when all I want to do is ask for one more piece of advise, share one more thought, and laugh over one more memory with you.

I know how to lose someone quickly and unexpected...but watching your body slowly die is something very different. I don't like watching you change...but as you've taken on this final battle, you've done it with great love and grace. No doubt, there have been difficult days and weeks, but you've continued to remind me through your life why I respect and love you so much.

I love being your granddaughter...a title I hold as a badge of honor. And though there's a part of me that wishes I could reverse time and savor the moments with you again, I know that if you could, you'd tell me to keep my chin up and know that it's only time that will seperate us until I get to be with you again.

I don't know how much longer you have here...maybe a day, maybe a month. But know that I'm celebrating your life and legacy. And I'll hold onto the words that you were able to share with Aunt Pam and Aunt Cindy the other night when you said,

"When you wake up in the morning...know that the Lord will see you through. No matter what you face, He will see you through to the end. His mercy, love and grace will always be with you to see you through. That's the way it's always been for me. That's the only way to do it."

I love you, my dear Grandma.
Your Nixsh-nootz