This doesn't seem that bad when I'm just living life. Honestly, it really doesn't. You can all gasp.:) But when it comes to the big decisions...you know, the ones that "really matter"...the ones that could really change my life...I really need to know where He's leading me. I'm a Christian that wants to follow Jesus, so of course, I'm going to seek "His will" in these big things.
...This is what I used to feel...and honestly, I'd say it with great pride. I'm a good Christian after all.
The problem? I would get frustrated with God because when I would look for Him to lead me to a job, a trip, a school, or whatever else I'd have going on...I couldn't find Him. I couldn't hear Him. I'd look, but would end up asking myself, "Why did He say, 'Seek and you will find'"...if He didn't really mean it. Where was He? Why didn't He care about the details of my life? This life cycle would lead me to the inevitable...I serve an impersonal God who only cares when I'm doing something wrong. I was sure He'd let me know when I've made a mistake, but would not lead me to the right way. This has been a struggle for the past 2 years of my life.
Recently, I was talking to God and I said to Him, "Logic tells me that You are impersonal and you don't care about the details in my life. But living life that way doesn't seem to be working. So against what my logic says, I simply have to believe and will begin to live as though You care about the intimate details of my life". It was a result from this conversation that He has just recently taught me the value of small submissions.
He told me, "Tami, I want you to learn the tone of my voice. I want to develop a relationship with you where you can instinctively read my non-verbals. I want to take you to a place where you understand My heart so that you're not frantically trying to find Me when it comes to the 'big decisions'...and this all begins with small submissions".
I like to live spiritual concepts practically. I think it's a personality trait God's given me...but I only like to talk about concepts for so long until I have to ask, "But what does that look like in my life?" So I asked God this. He took me back to my prayer list...one thing I had asked God is to give me the discipline and endurance to consistently exercise. But when I'm laying in bed in the morning...and I'd rather sleep than live out my request He asks for a small submission. Go to the gym. When I've asked that He would give me patience with a co-worker, He asks for a small submission. Surrender my right to be annoyed for the next 10 min.
I've learned that in these small submissions, I've started to hear His voice...I'm starting to understand His character...I can understand a little clearer, the tone of His voice. So these submissions are not simply to remind me who is Lord of my life, but to train me to hear His voice so when those big decisions come along, it's just another small submission.
9 comments:
Great thoughts, Tam! As always, I'm challenged and inspired by the work that God is doing in your life. I miss you dear friend!
thanks tami! good words!!
wow tami - I think you and God had a conversation about me. : ) Sincerely, I feel like your post was an extra gentle and final nudge for how God's been pulling at my heart lately. Thanks for sharing, to teach me.
love you
Amen Sister!
Tami, this post was too spiritual for me to read the whole thing, but I am sure it had a great message, good job.
Tami, I am glad you posted this. It's always good to be able to hear what you are thinking. I felt like it was hearing the Lord by reading this post...thanks.
-Heidi
TAG! You're it!
Wow! I felt like you could have had a magnifying glass on my life. So many times I have felt the same way. Feeling as if when you've messed up, the scriptures seem to quickly point to "oh ye wicked one" but when you're on your face and begging for answers, God is silent. I think I'm where you're at where I only ask when I think the request is big or something I can't handle on my own. I appreciated your thoughts. It really struck me! Love you!
Thanks Tami! I needed that my struggle lately has been self-discipline, be it in devotion/prayer, exercise, housework, actually in all parts of my life. I so often pray for self- discipline and then get angry with myself when I fail. Your post made me realize that it is really all about submission and not just God instantly changing me into someone I'm naturally not.
Post a Comment